I think most people would agree that a healthy relationship with your partner should feel safe and comforting; a place where you get encouragement and support when things get tough; an environment that allows you to become the best possible version of yourself; in other words, a soft place to fall, amidst the chaos of our daily lives.
I would like to promote the idea that our relationship with ourselves should be our soft place to fall, as well. Most of us however, have a much different relationship with ourselves. We badger ourselves relentlessly to do more, try harder, be better and when we fall short we criticize ourselves mercilessly with words like “you stupid idiot” or “Why can’t you keep your big mouth shut”. We say things to ourselves that we wouldn’t say to our worst enemies and certainly not to someone that we are supposed to care about.
So why do we believe that we should be loving and compassionate with others but feel it’s perfectly acceptable to be brutal with ourselves? The reasons are complex (stay tuned) but most people don’t realize how our Western culture fosters feelings of unworthiness simply by emphasizing competitiveness with each other. From a very early age we are constantly pressured to try and stand out as more successful, more attractive, more accomplished, more capable, more everything. The list is endless and there is no way to win this game of better than. Hence we often end up feeling like losers and treating ourselves accordingly.
I used to think this was pretty harmless but I have learned that the thoughts we think and the words we use towards ourselves have the same impact on our psyche and our bodies as if someone else were saying those words to us. If someone you loved told you day in and day out that you were stupid or ugly, it wouldn’t take long before you would start to believe it. There is absolutely no difference in the effect of those words or thoughts when they are directed towards our selves.
As far as the law-of-attraction goes the single most important factor in your ability to manifest good things into your life is feeling good about yourself, appreciating who you are and being genuinely loving towards yourself through your thoughts and actions.
The great news is that we can use our thoughts and words to reprogram how we feel. We can start to notice when we go into self-judging mode and pause and replace what we were about to say or think with something kinder. We can even go a step farther and start actively telling ourselves that we are special and that we’re doing the best we can and that’s good enough. It may feel uncomfortable at first but eventually if you keep at it you will become your own soft place to fall.
We can never become ‘the best version of ourselves’ as long as we are treating ourselves with anything less than loving kindness, gentleness and compassion. It opens the doorway to the part of ourselves that knows what is best for us and it allows us to feel a deeper, more unconditional love for others. Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship in our lives and the quality of that relationship impacts every single area of our life without exception.